don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
