I'm so fucking centered right now
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
