I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize