he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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