Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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