was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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