I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
