You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
