as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
