dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
