Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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