I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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