Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The dick lei will go down in squad history
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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