is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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