I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There r osticjed everywhere
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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