I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
