Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
