I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
