Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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