Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
