we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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