I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
