Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
