Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
