I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
BRING THE BAGELS
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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