there's paper in my vomit.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
