I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
