nut hugger
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
