dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
