she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize