ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
