She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
