I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
