i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
