i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
