she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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