I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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