Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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