like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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