we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
