she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
