Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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