he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize