hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
accomplished twins. life is a go
worst night to have a conscience
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
