youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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