guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
