I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
