Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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