It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize