so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The air was thick with penises
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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