I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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