Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
