Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just found puke in my bra..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
