butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
