i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
