dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
