I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
