Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
