didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
