Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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