does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
