Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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