I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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