Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
