Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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