Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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