I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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