There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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