She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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