K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
