i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
