I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize