I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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