Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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