The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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