I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
