Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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