As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize