So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
