It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
