Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My dick has a subreddit
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
