Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
